Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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