tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
