I feel like I'm in dance class right now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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