So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
