Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
