god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
