His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
two words: eviction party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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