The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
