I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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