I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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