just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
