You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
