Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
