we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
