just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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