I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
