I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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