It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
