He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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