If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
