sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
