Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
