dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
