What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
