Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
