Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
