I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
