Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
