i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
