so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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