What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
