i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize