His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
