i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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