I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
