Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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