well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
