What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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