When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
