So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
