do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
