I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
