She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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