Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
