My friends, they love my intelligence
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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