Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize