Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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