I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
