I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
