ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
