He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
