I think im going to throw up on grandma
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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