Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
