I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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