The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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