im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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