so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
