Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
