someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
