Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
