Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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