I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
