Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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