dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
