there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize