i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
