my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I could fuck to npr.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
