A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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