Have you finally orgasmed yet?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
