Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
