i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
