No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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