I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
