all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
