I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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